Jesse 2

Excerpts from Jesse’s written Journal:

Day: Early

Month: middle

Season: Spring

So much is new and so many records to keep. Aurora came back. I am older now…stronger.

I have left Grandfather’s house, or more, he rather kicked me out. Abandonment runs in this family, and he is no better then my mother or my sister. Love has died in me. I have severed so I needn’t feel so pained at being dejected again. I have also ceased to feel much pain due to hunger. We haven’t much money and that which we do, I don’t squander on food. I will save. It will help me start my life once the business with the evil one is done.

I have been wandering with Aurora all over the States. We have found so many girls that could have been my sister. So many cities that could have been ours. I remember what it looks like, but I don’t remember the name. I curse myself daily for not having asked my mother when I was with her.

I have come to hate every Werewolf save myself. My Grandfather has scorched me, the burning from inside to out. Every wolf I have run across has challenged me. Their deaths were quick and painless, but I have grown to hate their brash and territorial features. The men especially. Let one in close and they smell it on you forever. You become a possession to them. A female wolf is left to be dominated and claimed. Not this one. I have had too many battles solidifying my own dominance over myself, and no one else’s. It seems every town I go to, I must establish that I am looking not to be dominated, but merely to kill the wolf that calls herself my sister.

Once, in a town, I think the name was Duron, I found a wolf who matched me almost completely. Her fur, her build…even when she was human she looked close to me. Slight difference that could have been acquired with growth from the wretched seven year old I remembered. I fought her, and killed her. Her last dying words filled me with anger. It was a battle of wills and territory. She was not the b*tch I needed. Her name was Clara…and I learned that with her last gasp of air. So much anger filled me. I was so close. I thought I had it…but fate had slipped it in hands and then drew it out between my fingers. I had come back to the small abandoned building I was staying at for the duration of my stay and began to fling things across the room. The sound of snapping and splintering wood as well as the smell of crumbling and destroyed plaster helped to soothe me. I wasn’t as angry anymore. Aurora had come home quickly as well, her tiger by her side. She was in one of my favorite forms: The lame Geisha. I loved this form simply because she could talk to me. It made me happy to talk to her.

“We should go to Janus…” She had suggested. I wouldn’t admit defeat. I would find my sister soon enough. And besides, I didn’t want to admit that seeing him would elicit soft feelings I couldn’t afford.

The fourth city I was at, I drew my line. I was patient, but I couldn’t wait much longer. I wanted this done and I wanted it done now. I conceded…I needed Janus. Aurora and I made our way to the bus station, but without money…I had to use ‘other’ means to acquire tickets. Men are so typical.

The ride to Janus’ house wasn’t long. The walk to his front door took longer. I was awed when I saw his home. It was a huge gothic hotel. When I entered I didn’t know I would be chased around the entire thing by killer ghosts. I didn’t know I’d find my way into Janus’ room where he was laying with a woman on his bed. I didn’t know I would collapse due to lack of food and shock. When I entered, I didn’t know a lot of things.

It is, my deepest regret, to have walked into his bedroom. I saw him, laying there, looking so peaceful…next to her. I hated her. I don’t know why, she hasn’t wronged me at all…she hasn’t even spoken to me, but I hate her all the same. I don’t remember much after I collapsed. I do know I had woken on his couch. Janus, after I had burst into his room and collapsed almost at his feet, felt the need to scold me! Me…like I was some puppy who couldn’t care for herself.

“You are being stupid,” he said simply, “How do you even begin to expect to kill your sister, if you don’t eat?”

I was going to eat…just not at that moment. Finding him and my sister was more important then food. He had disappeared and then come back with water and something like leather. I don’t remember but I know it was some kind of meat. I didn’t want eat unless I knew Aurora was alright. He chided me again like I was some child.

"Aurora, she needs it more then me." I had said, "I'm fine…just tired. Feed her…"

“If you knew anything about mages, you’d know they never have to eat if they don’t want or need to.” From there he proceeded to force feed me food. I didn’t want to eat. I couldn’t waste time. I needed information. A bubbly sensation came over me and I was asleep…or at least I guess I was since the next waking memory is that of me talking to the woman in Janus’ bed. Maybe it was a dream. She kept telling me to wake up and I saw her sitting next to me…and yet still sleeping beside me on the bed. She didn’t really say much to me that I remember. Nothing really of importance to me.

It is odd. I have never been so overcome by dislike for a person who has done nothing to me. A simple word and I wanted to shred her then and there. She had called Janus…her Janus. I don’t know why it had driven through me like a hot pike, but it had and I didn’t like it. She also told me something about my sister and the cure, but I was only half listening, still caught on her words. ‘Her Janus…’ I didn’t understand. I sit here, still trying to figure it out. If she sleeps…how can he be hers? What kind of love is that to share?

~Jesse