Chris's Second

So, I hate to say it, but I’ve got to vent a little. I can’t to anyone so I’ll do it here. Dawn really upset me the other day. I called her and she wasn’t acting like herself. She was being too…submissive? I guess that’s the word to use. I don’t even remember what we were talking about, but I couldn’t stay on the phone too long. It didn’t feel like I was talking to my girlfriend. It seemed like it was someone else on the phone. I hate it when she does that. If I wanted someone else, I would be with someone else…but I wanted her and I want to stay with her. I don’t want her to change and act or speak differently. I like her the way she is.

Oh, wait. That’s right she said something about not wanting to tell her father about me. Why not? Does she think I wont measure up? Does she not really want to say she’s with me? I don’t understand! Why do girls have to give such trips? She seems happy enough when we’re together.

Anyway, needless to say I wasn’t so happy today when we were in school. I kept getting this feeling, like a little voice that was in my head going, she’s not serious. She doesn’t want you… It clawed away at me and it was all I could think about for the entire period. I had to think so I didn’t go sit with her at lunch. I actually spent the entire lunch running. I run when I get upset and need to think…call me crazy. I know. Maybe she just doesn’t think her dad would understand? Maybe her father is just strict or doesn’t like a lot of people. Maybe her father is like Joseph… That had never occurred to me. Everyone who is my friend knows I don’t have the happiest of home life. Maybe she had the same thing and didn’t want to ruin anything by bringing in someone so new so soon! Suddenly I felt bad I ditched her. I was going to go sit with her, but as I rounded the locker rooms the bell rang and everyone was moving to go to class. I’d see her in History…right?

Not before my mind started going again. I had a horrible home life, but I had managed to tell both Joseph and Robert about her! I’d made it a point to tell them I was with her and I was happy. Lord only knows what they would have done if they had found out a different way…Why couldn’t she try adding me into her equation? (Sorry…I was looking at math notes) If anything she could try to introduce me into her group of family just for the specific reason of a troubled family life! We could talk…right? Maybe I’m just thinking too much. Anyway, my mood hadn’t improved much when I hit history and it didn’t help that she kept touching me. Letting me know she was there and that she thought everything was alright. Come on, how could everything be alright? I hate to admit it, but it hurt me to think she didn’t want to talk about me to everyone else.

In the middle of class she was called down to the office. She’d gotten into a fight and I hadn’t known. Some girl had tried to pick a fight with her…or at least that’s what Brendan told me later on. I tried to shrug it off as if I wasn’t worried. Truth be told, I was still a little upset about the whole phone call thing. She tried to call me afterwards, but I didn’t really feel up to talking. It was still eating away at me. In fact, she’s calling right now… I’m going to go stare at my phone and debate with myself whether or not to pick up.

~Out~

Chris