Summer's Journal: Seventh Entry

The following Journal entry is a little bit of rage I’ve building up. Chris hasn’t answered the phone. He has been openly avoiding me.

As the intelligent young woman I am, I know that he is trying to dump me. He doesn’t love me anymore. I think he is angry at me. I know he is angry at me. I tried calling his house three times. No answer. So now the ball is in his court.

I think he is more of the typical guy then I thought. He must be in it for only one thing. I’ve wanted to kiss him, honestly I have. I still do. But there is no opportunity when you live with my family. Between my mother and her twin trying to stop me at all angles and Brendan’s inopportune but comedic timing of appearing around us, I’ve got nothing.

I could have my cousin beat some sense into Chris, but what good would that do? It would be a waste of Brendan’s energy, because I can beat Chris up. But I don’t want to hurt him.

I think… I think I love him

That’s what I am doing, I am thinking too much. There is my problem. My mind is trained to think all things through. Do I have to think more rashly when I am love for it to work?

I’m going to call him again.

- - - -

Nothing. No answer. Why did I even call him? Do I need him? I have to go talk to my mom. I don’t feel well.

- - - -

Now I feel even worse. My mother not only told me, that I had fallen hard like all the women in this family seem to do, but I had fallen deep too. We hadn’t even kissed, what would happen after we kissed? Will I be his willing slave girl?

She also told me, given the circumstances, that I was in the wrong. I hate being wrong; almost as much as I hate not knowing about something. She wouldn’t tell me how I was wrong either (Which made me even angrier). She said if our relationship was strong at all, then I would realize or he would tell me.

I picked up the phone again, and called, that was my last call for sure. I shut off my phone when it was finished. I got his voicemail and I left him a simple message, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know why.”

I am going to lie down and have a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow I am doing something very special with my makeup, so he knows how angry and upset I am.

-Dawn